2020 has been a real test of my religious convictions

I am a committed atheist, but 2020 has been so stressful that at times, I caught myself praying that various events would or would never happen.

Nothing has changed my religious views, but has helped me understand how other people succumb to the believe in a personal deity.

At times, I have been inclined to become a pantheist. I find a strange attraction to the twelve deities of the Dodekatheon that the Greeks and Romans worshipped.

At least I get a choice of Gods to pray to in the event of a disaster.

Having just one God just seems so limiting.

Maybe I should change my religious preference from atheist to polytheistic or pantheistic.

That would be more ecumenical than being an atheist, and would allow me to pray without having a guilty conscience when I do.